Thursday, June 16, 2011

my will

hey

so i'm on a flight right now as i type this (yes ladies & gentlemen, there is wifi in the air now), and the flight is so turbulent that i'm not convinced the plane will make it to the ground in one piece (it *IS* United Airlines, after all. they break guitars.).

so since i have no last will and testament, i would like to request that my lawyer and producer and label all be super nice to each other, and go ahead and release my new album.

please do your best to make people focus on my music and not on the fact that i was a gay guy, and please make sure that i get at least as much post-mortem exposure as Selena.

i'd prefer if you don't allow my songs to be re-mixed for the dance floor, but if you feel like it will make you super-rich, i'll get over it.

also, i would like to be cremated, and with NO VIEWING of my dead body in some wooden box i never would have picked out, all waxy and covered in make-up, wearing a short-sleeved plaid button-down shirt & pleated khakis that my mom picked out.

there is no need for a service, but if there *IS* one, don't let my mom pick the photo either. i can picture the one from when i was like 6 in the neon orange crazy-squiggles '80s shirt, with my fluffy powder-white ocean-spray hairdo, and my buck ass teeth.

um, i can't really think of anything else right now, but if you do ever happen to think of me after i'm gone, please try to remember me as really, really skinny.

oh -- and if by some chance i ever end up like Terri Schiavo -- PULL THE FUCKING PLUG. do not leave me like that.

xojay

19 comments:

MarcyT said...

Dear Jay, if you die, I will remember you as skinny and funny, is that ok? you didn't mention funny in your will. I'll also remember you as the ramen guy who likes candy orange slices, cupcakes and Krispy Kreme. I hope that's ok. Good luck surviving the flight.

love,

Marcy

Vicente said...

If the plane hits the ground rather quickly and unexpectedly, the question of cremation vs. an open casket is moot at that point. It's more or less decided for you. But on the bright side, you won't have to worry about booking your own shows...

Lindsey J said...

ok, now you HAVE to post that pic!!

xoxo
lindsey

Hasan said...

LMFAO Dead at that blog! Too funny man!

Jorge said...

Jay, you are NOT allowed to die bc I haven't seen you in concert yet. So yeah....stay alive for your Nashville show please. Kthanksbye

mix said...

Jay, if you die, I'll remember you for all the times I was awake at 4 o'clock in the morning and saw your tweets on my timeline. But, in the event you do survive, I'll be waiting for them.

lonely_poet said...

LOL you will survive. Your not that lucky! Can't wait to see you in Nashvegas!

Todd X. said...

Jay, I'm in the air too (on an American flight) and e turbulence is all over the place. Luckily it seems to have settled down. Of course, I have no idea where we are right now. Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Let's be honest here...

I'll remember you for your dick in Shortbus

Chris O. said...

There is no honesty in anonymity. Just a pussy behind a computer screen. While shortbus is how I also discovered Jay, his dick isn't why I'm still a fan...... Even if it rocked.

Anonymous said...

High five, Shortbus anon. Chris, I would like to refer you to Amazon.com, where you can pick up a sense of humor (and a Jay Brannan cd) 10% off with free shipping all this week. Better than an XBox!

Cole said...

You were a gay guy?

Trav said...

While you're writing this, can I get your laptop post-mortem? I bet there are some great videos and naughty pictures on there. Thanks.

Danny said...

Hello Jay
Thinking about you leaving this world without realising your own dreams of being loved and happy makes me sad.
Maybe you're skinny, maybe you're gay, who cares? Your music is part of so many people's lives already hat you never will be forgotten.

NCSU_Cash said...

I'll always remember you as the lyrical genius that helped me get over breaking up with my ex. So the skinny, musically talented, *hot*, funny, bombshell that is Jay Brannan will be my memory. But let's postpone that a few years so we can get a few more albums out of your first ;)

Alec Lindsay said...

This was an exercise in you disposing of your stuff, not how we'd remember you, but I expect you know by now if you've survived, or is that existential question? I'd probably remember you, if only as the guy who articulated my hitherto unknown desire to be a housewife.

mfan said...

Great post, I'd like to see that picture :) If you died, I would keep loving your music, recommend your music and the movie Shortbus to people (even more than I already do lol) and tell people you were as talented as Elliot Smith as a singer and songwriter :)

Mind Of Mine said...

I want to be cremated too. I never understand the morbid occasion of wakes.

I am glad you didn't die. :)

Esteban Madrid said...

hello


listen to your music today for the first time and it is beautiful, thanks for taking me to fly ... greetings from chile